|
The
advert in the paper said it all - Sales people needed
to sell business cards in Italy. Must be under 24 years
old and respectable. Lodgings provided but commission
only pay. Knowledge of Italian useful but not essential.
It was 1992, the height of the last recession, and I had
just graduated from Bristol University with a degree in
politics and philosophy. The job sounded ideal. Within
two weeks of applying I was on a plane to Milan. There
had been a short interview in a hotel in London where
the boss of the company, Sophie, asked me three questions
before giving me a starting date. Age, education and status.
There was only one nagging question that I asked: "How
can I sell business cards in Italy when I don't know a
word of the lingo."
"You'll see," she promised.
There were eight of us in the group, four boys and four
girls, and we stayed in a very basic farmhouse above the
beautiful Lake Como surrounded by snow peaked mountains.
Business was simple. Every day, except Sunday, we piled
into two dilapidated cars at seven o'clock in the morning
to find virgin territory, a village or a town where they
had never heard of us. Then we would divide the town up
between different streets so that we would each have about
twenty shops and businesses to visit. And that was it.
The only tools we had was a folder with different styles
of business cards, a fake document from the European Union,
and an ingenious sales script.
The first week is spent shadowing one of the other sales
people during the day and learning the sales pitch off
by heart in the evening. It took about ten to fifteen
minutes to say and was, in a word, a scam. After my first
morning, I realised why English- graduates were so essential.
The more Italian you knew, the more hindrance it was.
After finding the owner of the business, I introduce myself
as a young student here to learn the language and customs
of this beautiful country. I excuse myself for having
such a poor accent and so limited a vocabulary. But I
would be delighted if the owner could spare a few moments
to tell me about themselves, their business and this lovely
town. When you first start, you move straight into the
second half of the pitch at this moment but the more experienced
sales people, with a smattering of Italian, would gently
chew the cud for a while. For all the talk of culture,
it was Paul Gascoigne, then playing for Lazio, who was
our staple diet for chat.
In the next part, I explain that I am part of a group
of twenty students travelling the country and competing
against each other for a great prize - £3,000 in
ECU's, the currency of the European Union. These were
the days before monetary union. I would then whip out
a tawny coloured certificate that had my name and address
at the bottom below a circle of stars in the middle with
ECU printed in bold letters in the middle. But to win
this prize, I explain, I need 3000 'stars'.
"This is the closing date of the competition," I said
pointing to a date that was perennially two weeks away.
"And these are the number of stars I have yet to collect."
In my left palm, I had scribbled a figure like 92. For
extra urgency, I would often scrawl out one figure and
replace it with four less to make it look as if I had
already won four stars that day.
"I have only two weeks left to collect 92 stars, will
you help," I would plead.
From the back pocket, I pull out a bundle of old and tatty
business cards, collected on my journey or donated by
others in the group. On the back of the cards, people
have written messages like 'good luck Paddy' and 'all
the best for the future'. Little did I realise until near
the very end that one card read 'sod off back home you
English bastard.' And with these messages, people have
drawn four stars.
"These people have all given me four stars," I say. "Will
you do the same?"
Sometimes you have already made a sale in that town or
a neighbouring one, and the owner would recognise one
of the cards. It was a very good sign. But on most occasions,
this was the point when the sale fell flat, although not
the hospitality. Italians are generous to a fault and
would more often than not offer you something else. Most
of these businesses were small shops, bars or restaurants,
and often run by families. The trick was to visit a bistro
just before lunch so if there was no sale, there was a
good chance of a bowl of pasta.
But no business was too small or too big. I remember walking
into a firm that could have been a multi-national for
all I knew. As I tried to explain to the receptionist
why I needed to see the owner, the big cheese himself
walked past. Charmed by my initial spiel about Italy and
its customs, I was ushered into his office. When I asked
how many stars he would give me, he dryly answered a 'million'
before politely making his excuses.
However if the owner said they would give you some stars,
I would jump for joy and scribble out the current number
on my hand.
"To give me four stars, you need to buy 200 business cards
from the company that is sponsoring my travels around
Italy and providing the great prize so that I can continue
my studies here. Which one do you like?" The folder is
produced and the owner is faced with a variety of different
style business cards to choose from. The owner usually
forgot altogether about the stars. The cards on offer
were good quality, although maybe a tad expensive.
When they picked a card they liked, I would ask them to
find their old business card so that they can write me
a message of good luck and draw four stars on it, like
the others. During this time, I would make out the order
form and the receipt.
Lastly, I would explain that the cards would arrive within
two weeks. I needed them to clearly write the details
they want produced on these cards and to staple their
old business card onto the order form. Then I would collect
half the money up front - about £50.
The final act was the cheesiest. To keep up pretences,
it was important to scribble the new number on your hand
and thank the owner profusely. Once, I met the daughter
of one such owner in a nightclub. Needless to say,
I went home alone.
Sophie took most of the money. She said she owned houses
in Milan, Paris and London after more than twenty years
of the same pitch, and I believed her. In a normal week,
we would bring in between £500 to £1000 each.
We got twenty per cent a sale. But it was fun, educational,
and only slightly twisting the truth. The new cards always
arrived.
"Have you ever done this in England," I asked Sophie once.
"No, the English don't have the right mentality," she
said wryly.
About
the Author
Paddy Gourlay is a freelance journalist
and can be contacted at paddy.gourlay@btinternet.co.uk
|