A Pig in a Cage. On Antibiotics

(Archived Article)

Provided by Nixers

The call centre industry is still thriving, despite World War Three, the Dot Com crash, and the r-word (recession, for those of you who are still wondering).

In this crazy world it is sometimes a comforting thought to know that you can still make a half decent living from saying "hellomynameisjohnathanhowcanihelpyou?" many, many, hundreds of times per day.

The facts are as follows:

Ireland is the call centre capital of Europe. Yeah, yeah. But what's in it for YOU?

The constant supply of Jobs: They're not looking for heavy qualifications or MENSA membership. Can you communicate, yes or no? If you can, well done - you are a homo sapiens. You have qualified to work in your local call centre.

The constant supply of Young People: Generally, call centre contracts last for three to nine months. Meaning there is constantly new blood in the office. Moreover, generally speaking you will be working with eighteen to thirty year olds. Some kind of party vibe is inevitable…

The Europeans: Mmmm, yes. Europeans. And not just the pale freckly kind, either. You will be subjected to a barrage of fresh-faced, long-limbed, golden-complexioned, honey-haired people of all varieties. They're there to ply their trades as multilingual agents, and to get to know Ireland a little better ("the people are lovely"). Who better to show them around than a real-live Irish person?

The Organized Fun: Aw… Bless. In the true spirit of cheesy Americanism, there will be barbecues, obstacle courses, tug-o-war's, football, football and more football. If this is what melts your butter, and it can be deceptively seductive in the right circumstances, then you're at your auntie's.

The Team Spirit: Unlikely though it may seem, you will almost certainly grow to love the random bunch of misfits that make up your team. It's a bit like Irish College that way.

The Money: Its steady. Its not backbreaking labour. It starts at about £7.40 per hour. Some better, some worse.

The Hours: Often 9 to 5:30. Best student opportunities are evening shifts and weekends. Look out for 5-9 shifts, depending on which lectures you can afford to miss and how poor you are you can usually squeeze in another couple of shifts per week.

The Boredom: hellomynameishellomynameishellomynameis… all work and no play makes slim shady a dull boy. You could be wielding an axe before long.

The Career: Look like you can put your shoes on the right feet and tell time and they will promote you. Better money, but more responsibility.

Further Information
What to do if you feel you want to work in a call centre:
Take two aspirin and call me in the morning. If the feeling doesn't go away, visit www.nixers.com and we'll sort you out.

This is an archived article and some details may have changed since this article was first published